Sweet Innonence

The other night while I watched Buckner flash his sweet smiles at his daddy while we fed him, I was once again overwhelmed with emotion. My sweet baby only knows kindness and love. I have thought on many occasions at this time in his life, Buckner has never once experienced a harsh word, humiliation, bullying, unfairness, or cruelty. I love that for many more months to come we get to shelter him from anything or anyone unkind.

I know it can't always be this way and I fear the day someone hurts my little boy's feelings. I already worry about that unavoidable day when someone picks on him. I know I won't be able to protect him forever but I hope that he will learn from us that most people are kind and loving. I want him to know that life is so good and sweet. I plan on teaching him to forgive the ignorant, bully types and help him develop a deep wisdom that when people say things that hurt they are motivated by a deep pain inside them. I pray that we can instill such a strong confidence in him that when he encounters cruelty he is able to believe in himself and the value he brings to this world.

I pray that we can teach him to always talk to us if something is bothering him and never to retreat to a silent world where feelings are hidden. I want to teach him compassion for others and along with that compassion instill a giving spirit. I pray that we model in our behavior acceptance of others without judging what we don't understand. Most of all, I hope we always let the love of God show through our actions so he too can have that light in his eyes. After the innocence of today fades, I pray that joy, laughter and love endures. I love our sweet, happy boy and today I will quiet my worries and simply be grateful for his untouched innocence.

Love his joy!

Morning Win!

After several tough mornings of rushing to get off on time, I decided to follow the tips that I found on several parenting sites. All the tips summarized to one main point: get everything ready that you can the night before so that you have very little to do in the morning. I knew this information but I didn't think that a few tasks done at night would really make a huge difference. Plus I am always so tired in the evenings. However, I decided to give it a chance.

Ed was still feeling under the weather the first night I attempted the tasks so both of my boys were in bed by 9:00pm. And all of a sudden I had a burst of energy. I decided to unload the dishwasher and reload the dinner dishes so that morning task would be complete. I then mixed Buckner's bottles for the next day. Packed our lunches and straighten up the living room and Buckner's nursery. I even loaded his diaper bag with fresh clothes and sat it by the front door. I felt so energized knowing all these tasks were done. I took my bath and was in bed by around 10:30...late I know but I felt happy knowing that the next morning would not be such a rush.

The next morning was perfect! Buckner slept until I woke him at 5:30 allowing me to get my make-up done which made me feel like I had plenty of time to feed and play with him before getting dressed. I had time to eat breakfast and not rush through any of our tasks. Best part is we were calmly out the door at 7:15 am and I arrived on time to work. In the days following, I completed the new night routine most evenings with the exception of the night I had to work late. I noticed a big difference in the one morning I did not do the nightly tasks which just reinforced my desire to push through the tiredness and complete as much as possible in the evenings. Major working parent lesson here: do everything you can the night before!

Motherhood: A world of shush

As women, we have fought for years to have choices and rights. Now as a mother, I notice that the choices I make need to be kept quiet unless I know the opinions of the mothers around me. Let me give a few examples.

Breast v. Bottle
We have the right to choose to exclusively breastfeed, to breastfeed with supplements or to formula feed. If you exclusively breastfeed, then society allows you to be proud. Some (not all) breastfeeding mothers shout it out along with the number of months they made it as they wear their proud-warrior-breastfeeding-mama-I-am-better-than-you badge. If you choose to formula feed (for whatever reason), society says be quiet and hold your head down.  Don't dare mix up a drink for your hungry (albeit just as healthy) baby in a public place because you will get the stares. Shush you formula feeding mama!

Pediatricians and Daycares
Next up, be quiet about your pediatrician and daycare choices. If you don't have the one your mother acquaintance has you will be judged because theirs is better. Actually their OBGYN was better too giving their baby a head start before he or she was even born!

Baby Gear
Be quiet about how much money you chose to spend on all the needed baby equipment. However, even if you remain quiet the brand gives it away so if you didn't spend a ton of money on your little one's crib, stroller or car seat you are judged. I mean really money equates love in these judgmental circles.

Working v. SAHM
Shush about going back to work because non-working mommies judge. Shush about staying home because working mommies judge you.

Vaccinations
Heaven forbid you talk about vaccines because the anti camp will send you horrific stories that will keep you awake at night (if you aren't already). But the rest of the world tells you that you have to vaccinate in order to send your child to school.


The shush list can go on and on.  I've developed a theory on the constant stares, proud bragging moments, unsolicited advice and nonstop judgement - we all want to do our best for our babies. Our hearts and intentions are well meaning. We are nonstop doubting ourselves therefore justifying that we are making the best decision of all makes us feel better. We, even unknowingly, put down the decisions of other mothers to make ourselves feel like we have the best and have done the best. So in our dark moments of doubt we can at least say that we didn't do it as bad as so and so's mom!

I try to watch myself when my brain automatically makes a judgement call on another mother's actions. We are all trying our best. One friend put it kindly after a firestorm of e-mails I received about feeding Buckner at 4 months old saying, "Do what is best for your child." We are all different individuals as are our babies. We celebrate differences as adults so why do we expect child rearing to all be the same? As long as you are taking care of your child, let's celebrate the differences of childhood and no longer live in a world of shush.

Little Man is 24 Weeks Old Today!

24 WEEKS

Favorite Toy: His feet! Also, the singing puppy Sassy gave him.

Physical Ability: Pushes up in a plank position by lifting up his hips...getting ready to crawl!

Can sit for a few seconds by himself but still needs a spotter to avoid tumbles.

Clothes: 6 to 9 months best fit him. Most days he wears footed sleepers because he takes his socks off and we have to keep those footsies warm.

Food: Can't give him enough bottles! Loves squash and sweet potatoes. Eating about a tablespoon a day and squeals with delight when the spoon comes toward him. Can't feed him fast enough and he is a pro at opening his mouth wide to get the spoon in. 

Sleeping: Most nights 7:30 or 8:00pm until about 5:00 or 5:30am. Only wakes up to find his pacifier. Not much of a daytime napper...he is afraid he will miss something.

Games: Loves peek-a-boo and pull mama's hair! 

Other loves: Dancing and music. Mama and daddy making silly noises. Lots of cuddles!

Another new discovery: The Exersaucer!

Morning Calm to Chaos

At any given time during the day, I teeter between parenting wins and parenting fails. The parenting wins feel small in comparison to how devastating the parenting fails feel. The three hours this morning between wake up and daycare drop off had devastating swings between the two and while I know this is normal, it still left this mommy pulling up to the daycare with trembling hands and tears threatening to flow as I hugged my sweet little boy goodbye for the day.

5:00 am: Alarm clock goes off although I had actually started to wake up around 4:40 when Buckner started to stir and whine a little in his sleep signaling to me that he would soon wake up too. We had camped out in the living room because Daddy caught the dreaded stomach bug. I slept on the couch and Buckner slept beside me in his rock and play. I think I slept but I remember being awake more than asleep last night so needless to say when the alarm went off I was exhausted but knew I had to get moving because Daddy was still out of commission.

5:02 am: Start coffee pot and start unloading dishwasher to get Buckner's clean bottles out.

5:03 am: Buckner cries. He is officially awake. I run into the living room and put his pacifier back in his mouth. He appears to go back to sleep. I debate on whether I have time to unload the dishwasher or should I just immediately make his morning bottle.

5:04 am: Return to unloading the dishwasher. Buckner cries again. Debate is over. Time to make the morning bottle. I talk in soothing tones from the kitchen to Buckner to let him know that I am making his bottle. Buckner continues to cry. My heart breaks a little.

5:07 am: Bottle is made. I pour myself a cup a coffee and run to get my little man. I take him to his nursery to change his diaper. He screams at me for the duration of the diaper change clearly letting me know that a diaper change was not what he wanted and he is hungry NOW!

5:10 am: All is quiet again in our little house as I feed my sweetheart and drink coffee. We sit on the couch until 5:45. This is my special time with him as I have mentioned on many times before. We cuddle. He finishes his bottle and he coos and smiles. I read him a daily devotional and we talk. The time ends way too fast and I really want to sit there longer but more has to be done. Ed comes out of the bedroom and says he is weak but thinks the worse is over.

5:45 am: Return to unloading the dishwasher and making his bottles for the day. We always have intentions to do this the night before but the dishwasher doesn't usually finish until we are in bed. I need to buy a few more bottles to put into the rotation as well as a big mixer to mix the formula the night before so all we have to do is pour. Put together lunch and make a mental note that I really need to do this in the evening. I am slowly learning and incorporating some new parenting life hacks.

6:10 am: Unload the dryer and lay his clothes out so that they don't wrinkle. I usually make up the bed at this time as well but since Ed was sick all night those sheets are just going right to the laundry. Pack his diaper bag with extra clothes (again, should have done that the night before).

6:20 am: Buckner decides he is tired of playing on the floor by himself and starts to fuss. Ed still can't touch him just in case he is contagious so I strapped him in his baby carrier (thank God for baby wearing) and put my make up on. He loves it and grins at himself in the mirror the entire time. Parenting win!

6:35 am: Put Buckner in his crib for a minute to feed our dog, Lulu (which I almost forgot to do). He screams.  I put Baby Einstein on my ipad in his crib and he is instantly captivated. Parenting fail because I know that tv time is a no no but sometimes you got to do what you got to do to get dressed. About a minute later, after the dog is fed and I have berated myself for letting him watch Baby Einstein. I take away the ipad (he immediately screams) and I scooped me up for a big cuddle.

6:45 am: We put on mardi gras lively music as I dress him for the day. We giggle and dance. I talk to him and enjoy a few more moments of sweet baby time.

6:55 am: Put him in his pack and play because I must take a shower NOW. He isn't happy even with toys so Ed entertains him and I take a lightning speed shower.

7:00 am: Get dressed and do my hair while simultaneously running back to Buckner to let him know I am there so he will be happy (he is getting irritable and fighting sleep at this point).

7:15 am: Put Buckner in his rock and play in front of the tv for a minute (berate myself again) but he screams and I plead with him to just let mommy finish the last few things (load up the car, brush teeth, grab a breakfast bar, etc.) before we go. He doesn't agree and screams which breaks my mommy heart and I shake as I finish the last few things.  During my running, I look over at him and he is now asleep. Sweet baby.

7:27 am: Finally leaving my house. My goal was 7:15 so now I am officially running late but doing much better than other days. We drive to daycare as he snoozes and I drink coffee and eat a breakfast bar while trying to stop shaking.

7:45 am: Arrive to daycare and I want to cry. I want calm, happy mornings and while there are definitely some moments each morning that I accomplish this there are a few moments where I am still shaking and running late. I don't want to leave Buckner as I pull him out of his carseat and hug my cuddly baby. He smiles as I put him in the exersaucer and shows me all his fun toys. I fight back tears knowing that 8 hours until I see him again seems so long.

8:07 am: Arrive to work knowing I am doing my best and some days will be easier.  I will try in the coming days to do more at night because I refuse to speed up even more because those morning moments are some of the precious times I have with my little family. Even in those hectic moments, life is so sweet now with our little man...I just need to learn to breathe!

This week...

...I learned that being sick as a mommy and not being able to touch your baby when he reaches for you out of fear that you will give him your stomach bug makes you cry those big, emotional tears that you thought were just reserved for the weeks right after delivery.

...I found myself jealous once again that the daycare providers get to spend 40 hours a week with my child while I get to squeeze in two hours in the morning and approximately two hours in the evening during the work week. I make the time quality time but it is hard to face the reality of so much time missed.

...I also found myself grateful for those same providers because we were able to get him out of the house while I was sick and away from those dreaded germs. I slept the most I slept in five months for two days which almost makes up for being sick.

...At the same time that I was jealous of the daycare teachers for getting so much time with my precious baby boy, I was also grateful in a weird way for being able to get a lot of things done during the day and enjoy my job. Yes, the mommy guilt over balance has started. 

...During those sweet moments together, we fed Buckner his first taste of sweet potatoes which he loves!  He kicks his feet with excitement every time we bring the spoon near his mouth.

...I learned sweet potatoes stain everything.


...I did some more research on flat heads (Buckner's is improving but not as fast as we would like) and we decided to give the noggin nest a try.

...And I still think there is nothing sweeter than seeing his smiling face looking at me at the end of the day.

Yummmm sweet potatoes!

Southern Baby Style

Lulu's Love Letters Sale!

I have a spending problem. I never had one before Buckner arrived but now I can't quit buying for my little guy. Every footed sleeper, cute hat or onsie is up for grabs. And merchandisers KNOW THIS!  I tell myself I am not going to spend anything this week but then I get a sneaky little e-mail telling me about free shipping or a certain percentage off and spending freeze is lifted. They are after me!

One of my favorite stress relievers these days is going through the baby section at Wal-Mart. I may have just gone in for formula but I still find a few more other things Buckner just has to have. I make myself feel better because the clothes are so inexpensive at Wal-Mart but still must haves for his days at daycare. You don't want to spend a fortune on clothes he will outgrow in a month or mess up playing in at daycare.  Speaking of growing, he is growing and therefore I justified the four footed sleepers I just purchased...when I went in to get formula. But after those purchases and the great deals I got from Lulu's Love Letters last night, I am officially on a spending freeze.

When we found out we were having a boy, I told my husband that I get to dress him without argument for a minimum of two years. I knew that for two years my adoring little boy would not argue about me dressing him up like a little prince. I knew that my adoring big boy (aka husband) might put up a fuss but in the elation of finding out we were, indeed, have a precious baby boy, he agreed. He has, for the most part, stuck to his agreement and I have happily dressed up our little boy every chance I get. I read somewhere that true little Southern boys only wear pastel colors the first year of life. While I love bright colors, it is true that nothing makes Buckner look more Southern boy charming than soft fabrics in light colors.  Therefore, when Lulu's Love Letters announced the Paty sale she was having on Instagram last night I knew I had participate. A white cardigan that will be monogrammed in brown lettering to go with this blue and white short sleeve onsie (also monogrammed in brown lettering) made it just before the self-imposed much needed spending freeze. I am already thinking of the places I will take my baby Southern gentleman to in his charming little outfit. Now spending freeze is on...no, seriously.

Baby Talk

Each week we encounter new phases and developmental milestones. Just when you get a routine established, Buckner decides to change it. Not that we are complaining because we aren't the type of people who likes life to be the same everyday. Our little boy is not disappointing by making sure we keep things interesting around our house.

Early on after delivering him, I read that you can recognize what your baby wants by the variations in their sounds. I found this perplexing and wondered if I was a bad mother because all his crying noises just sounded like, "Waaaaaah" to me. But I started to listen closely and even though Buckner has yet to speak an official word yet, he does communicate.

"I am hungry"
First, we get a few warning signals when he is saying feed me. He starts out with a few short, crying grunts. At this stage you can distract him for about a minute before he gets angry and the grunts turn into full wails. Our baby seldom cries unless he is hungry but when he is hungry he has about a minute of patience and nothing will satisfy his cries until a bottle is popped into his mouth...then all is well with the world (and once again quiet).

"I am tired"
A new phase is trying to fight sleep and he communicates fatigue  both verbally and physically. He wimpers and cries a little out of frustration. He tries to move his body to stay awake and recently started to hit and rub his eyes with balled up fists. The cutest thing he does as he drifts off is scratch his head with both hands. Those little scratches become slower as he drifts off and there are just hands left by his head when he is fully asleep.

"I don't want to do tummy time."
Screams. Pure screams. Although lately he is getting better at tummy time which is good because we have to work on his flat head.

"I have a tummy ache"
This communication can often be mistaken for "I am tired." He will squirm and push his stomach up while he arches his back. He will become calm for a minute but the best thing to do is make a run for the gas medicine.

 "I am happy"
This one is easy and thankfully happens a lot. He smiles and giggles all the time. But when he is really excited and happy, he will squeeze his shoulders up and turn his head to one side like his whole body is happy.


The most exciting thing he has done lately is pronounce some syllables that sound like "Ma Ma." I know he is most likely unsure of what those syllables mean but I love hearing the sound!

Mashed Sweet Potatoes Not Cornbread and Peas

About a month ago while at Buckner's four month check up, the doctor said that we could start introducing solids at any time.  Of course, formula would still be his main form of nutrition since the first year involves mainly practicing with solid foods. He told us that we could choose between a vegetable, fruit or cereal as his first food. I was excited about this next stage and posted on a local mothers' Facebook group page to survey what are good choices for first solids. I had done my research on rice and cereal learning they were just fillers so I had already decided against that option but was curious what other mothers had done.

One thing is for sure, mommies have opinions. Sometimes a little too strong of opinions. I received some great advice but it was quickly covered up by being slammed both in the post and in private messages.  See I made the mistake of starting off the post with "at my son's four month check up" having no idea there are some seriously strong opinions about waiting until six months before starting solids.

Panicky mothers quickly e-mailed to stop me from causing what they considered irreversible damage. You would have thought I was going to fry up some chicken fried steak with a side of greasy cornbread and meat laden peas to feed my child! I was just debating on letting him taste sweet potatoes with the doctor's suggestion.  But to these mothers I needed to switch doctors and not even think about the first taste until six months.

My husband said the other day that in today's time it is so hard to get information and I wondered what he meant because there is SO MUCH information out there. But that is exactly what he meant. With so much information, you also get strong opinions that appear to contradict some other type of advice. As parents you get bombarded with opinions about bottle feeding, breastfeeding, sleep schedules, daycare, vaccines, toys, and the list goes on. Some opinions are benign and easy to overlook. Some are helpful and I truly appreciate the advice but there are a few that can be paralyzing because they initiate crippling fear of doing something wrong that could harm the most precious person in a parent's life. 

During the Facebook slam, I had several supportive mothers who reminded me that only we know our babies and we have to do what is best for them. Comforting words of wisdom. I will say the slam caused me to do some further research reassuring my doctor knew what he was talking about and the time to start solids for most babies is between 4 and 6 months.  I learned there are signs that your baby is ready for solids such as being able to sit with little support and hold his head up without bobbling. More signs include if your baby shows an interest in food, has doubled his birth weight and daily eats 32 ounces of formula or breast milk.

Buckner had accomplished most of those developmental markers at 4 months but we decided to split the difference and start introducing solids after five months. I am glad we waited although I don't think we would have made a huge mistake to start at four months but now we are informed and Buckner seems ready for the next step. We still debate back and forth about making our own food. I have read way too much on the topic making me scared of doing something wrong and accidentally making him sick. Anyone else out there doubt themselves on the process of making their own baby food? So either homemade or store bought, in the next few days, we will strap Buckner into his high chair and put a tiny bite of formula thinned food onto a spoon to let him taste it. And in case you are wondering, we decided to start with sweet potatoes.

You know you love being a mommy when....

...you don't notice that you are still wearing spit up...hours later

...you don't mind your baby waking up at 2am and 3am and 4:30am because that means he is still breathing!

...you haven't shopped in months for yourself because you are spending all your money on yet another cute teeny, tiny outfit

...your cell phone ran out of storage because you have a ton of pictures of your baby and refuse to delete any of them even though you have printed and facebook copies

...your facebook features a daily picture update

...everything he does is picture worthy especially sleeping like a pudgy, little teddy bear

...you research all things baby development

...you tell your friends for the 100th time how he rolled over this morning, grabbed his pacifier, smiled, etc.

...the best part of your day is picking him up at the end of the day after work and seeing him smile when you walk in the room!

Life is so good as a mommy!

Five Months Old

Good morning world! I am five whole months today! I am now a pro at tummy time and can sit with support. I am 16 pounds which means I have doubled my birth weight. I love to listen to daddy play the guitar and I love when mommy reads to me. I also figured out how to take this belly sticker off and put it in my mouth which ended this photo shoot! Mommy tells me I will get to try solid foods soon like sweet potatoes so bring on month six!

I love to smile at Mommy and Daddy...and pretty much anyone who smiles at me!

I am very observant.

I am a happy baby....

...but I got tired of this photo shoot so right after this picture, I took off the sticker and put it in my mouth!

 

Our First Holidays

This week was the return to the routine after a much needed two week break with my family. There were so many sweet moments that marked Buckner's first Christmas and New Year's but a few moments stand out as truly special to me.

On Christmas Eve morning, Buckner woke up early at 4:00am and wanted his bottle. Usually his routine had been a 5:30 am bottle but when he wants to eat he wants to eat. So I sleepily walked to the kitchen to make his bottle and decided since I was up I would make the morning cozy. I turned on the Christmas tree lights and fed my sweet baby in the magical glow of the Christmas tree. He finished around 4:30 but instead of going back to bed, I half slept and cuddled with him on the couch. He snoozed away in my arms. Sometimes you don't realize at the time that the moment will be a cherished memory but I knew that this one would be.

Other memory making moments include the way he looked at his presents. He was 20 weeks old on Christmas Day and the perfect age for a first Christmas. He looked at everything with curiosity. It is almost as if he seemed to know these toys were for him. We opened presents slowly on Christmas morning so he would not get overwhelmed and could really enjoy each one of his new toys. My favorite moment when I got to witness him witnessing his new mobile a week after Christmas. While he napped in his crib my husband attached his new mobile. When I heard him waking up I went to check on him. He yawned and stretched and then I saw the moment when he first saw his mobile. He looked at it curiously and then looked at me to as if to say, "Look Mommy!" Then he looked back at it and back at me and smiled as if to say, "Look at my new toy!"

Also, this holiday break marked Buckner's first trip to the beach!  Even though it was January the weather was perfect. Not windy and highs in the upper 60s. We were able to walk out to the beach a couple of times and he carefully observed the waves. He didn't smile a lot while we were actually on the beach but carefully took in everything. He did fall asleep in his sling while we walked...I guess the sound of the waves calmed him. He will be a beach person just like his mommy and daddy.

Christmas Eve (before Mass which he slept through)

First Beach Trip! (New Year's Eve with family in Panama City Beach)

One year ago, on New Year' Eve we announced our little bundle was on his way. A year later, we celebrate New Year's as a family of three. Cheers to an exciting 2015 full of beautiful firsts!